The Food Network Presents : Jim Ross’ Tailgate Party .
In conjunction with The Chicago White Sox , Viacom , Paramount, Showtime , World Championship Wrestling and Windy City Pro Wrestling.
Jim Ross : Hello wrestling fans , welcome to the Star Spangled Bash Preshow My Tailgate Party. Now over here on this smoker , I’ve had a brisket going low and slow since about 2 am . This was injected with Apple Juice and some Jack Daniels . And then my JR’s Sauce on it . Now I’m about 5 minutes away from taking this off and letting it rest . Now look over here . White Sox lead off man and short stop Tim Anderson and what do you have there ?
Tim : JR , these are cowboy baked beans . Three different types of beans , I used your sauce , added a 1/4 cup of brown sugar and bacon . These have been simmering on low heat for 25 minutes . They will come off just in time for Lance Lynn’s hotdogs .
Jim : Thanks Tim , those look damn good . And folks over here , you heard it , by gawd what’s more American than hot dogs . Now Lance , this is a charcoal Webber ?
Lance : Yeah Jim . You know I know some people like pellets , some like gas , but me , I’m a charcoal guy . Still the best taste imo , but it’s personal preference . Now I buy Hebrew Hotdogs . 100 percent beef . So damn good .
Now , I’m getting ready to serve these up to this hungry group of guys here at the main table . We are doing Chicago Style . First thing we are gonna do is use a sesame seed hotdog bun . Lay on our mustard , end to end . Pickle relish . Some like sweet pickle relish . Some grilled onions , two tomatoes on either side and finally top it off with a spear . Dusty , try this .
Dusty : Oh daddy !!! This here hotdog is gonna give me the edge to beat up HHH tonight .
Jim : Fans more great food when we come back , but hey there is a ring over there . We might as well use it .
Dean Malenko vs Eddie Gilbert : Malenko gets a hammerlock on Gilbert and keeps him grounded most of the match . Every time Gilbert gets to his feet Malenko counters into something . Seems he’s one step ahead . Until , he sticks a thumb in Malenko’s eye . Gilbert takes over and at the 10: 19 mark he gets the Hotshot and gets the 3 .
Jim Ross: And there you have it . Eddie Gilbert with a win and he will be back later in the show for our main event , the Bunkhouse Brawl .
Jungle Boy, what are doing you here, young man ?
Jungle Boy: Jim ,I heard about this tailgate and I had to be here . Plus I’m scouting Jeff Hardy and MJF . I’m going to have a match with one of them on the 30th . One question Jim , where are the hamburgers .
Jim : By Gawd !! Now you’re talking . Let’s go over here to my Webber Smokehouse grill . This is a pellet grill . Look at these , Jack !!! Now I have infused inside 3 different cheeses . Also , you see a bowl of onions soaking in water off to the left . This gives it a bit more taste . You can get this recipe on my website . Right now let’s go to the ring . Thunder Rosa taking on Marti Belle
Thunder Rosa vs Marti Belle : A very face paced match . Lots of counters . Marty the bigger of the two , has a size and power advantage . She hits a running Powerslam
for two . She whips Rosa Into the corner and then unloads with rights , but Rosa powerbombs her ! From there she hits the Thunder Fire Driver for the 3 .
Jim : That was a slobber knocker . And is that Brian Cage ? What are you doing here ?
Cage : Jim , you think I would miss this? No way . Plus , I’m here to support my buddy Hulk Hogan . We got each other’s backs . Brought you a little something too . Look here . 24 case of Miller High Life . Gotta have beer at a tailgate . Oh and I brought me own slow cooker . My mom’s chilli recipe.
Jim : Well , let’s take a look over here . Brian , it smell’s great . What’s in it ?
Brian : An 80/20 mix of beef and sausage . Tomato Juice . Red and green peppers , onions and black olives .
Jim : Black olives ??? What the hell ?
Brian : Trust me . Give it a try .
Jim tries it .
Jim : Holy hell !!! It all works . We have another big match .
Rick Rude vs The Great Kabuki: Dawn Marie comes out with Rude to Smooth Operator . Rude takes the mic .
Rude : Cut the music . What I would like to have right now is for all you fat , out of shape , Chicago sweat hogs to keep your mouths shut , while Dawn takes my robe off and I show you what a real man supposed to look like . Hit the music .
Kabuki’s music plays instead . Rude and Dawn are throwing a fit . Kabuki slides under the ropes and Rude drops an elbow on the back of his head and puts the boots to him . Kabuki starts to fight up with quick chops , then a spinning back kick puts Rude to the mat . Kabuki covers 1…….2…….Noooooooo !!!! Dawn puts Rude’s foot in the ropes . Kabuki pulls Dawn up on the ring apron by her hair . Rude hits a low blow on Kabuki . From there he hits a Rude Awakening and then a Spartan Shoulder Lock . Kabuki passes out . The ref declares Rude the winner .
Jim Ross: Rick Rude pulls even with The Great Kabuki. Fans don’t forget right after we are done here , flip over to Showtime for the Star Spangled Bash. Don’t have Showtime , then get the Windy City Pro Wrestling App for only $14 a month . This Brisket has rested and we are ready for our main event . The Bunkhouse Brawl.
Bruno Sammartino and Bob Armstrong start things off . The two men shake hands and then go at one another . Bob backing up Bruno with some solid overhand chops , but Bruno lands a hard right hand knocking Bob to the mat 3…..2…..1
CM Punk is our next . He hits a corner clothesline on Bob . Bruno Bodyslams Punk , but when he tries to toss Punk out , Punk lands a knee to Bruno face . 3……2….1
Jon Moxley charges the ring . He goes right at Punk . Mox hits the Paradine Shift . But he spins into a Suplex by Bob . Punk kicks Bob in the back of the head and chokes Mox on the mat . Mox rakes the eyes and gets to his feet . DeVannes comes down and slides in a chair . Mox blast Punk in the back with it and then chokes him with it . 3…..2…..1…..
Yokozuna enters the ring . He hits a sidekick on Bob . Then tosses Bruno in the corner and goes for a running hip attack , but Bruno moves and Yoko hits hard . Bruno now stomps on Yoko in the corner .
Bob goes over and spins Mox around and chops him across the chest and then sets up for a Superkick , but Punk has the chair and he blast Bob with it , Bob stumbles backward , he’s out cold . He flips right out of the ring .
JR : And folks just like that Bob Armstrong is eliminated .
3….2….1 !!!!
Jerry Lawler enters next . He lets Punk and Mox alone to try and kill one another . He goes over and tries to help Bruno get out Yokozuna, but the big man is fighting them off . Lawler eats a Samoan Drop . Bruno gets kicked on the face . 3…..2….1 !!!!
Rey Mysterio comes out . Yokozuna knees him in the guy and just tosses the pesky little bastard out to the floor .
JR : Well that didn’t last long . Rey is gone folks .
On the other side of the ring . Mox and Punk are both a bloody mess . All the wrestling has gone out the window and now they are just knocking the shit out of one another with punches only seen in John Wayne movies. At this point they have been going at each other for 27 minutes straight . And that’s not counting the early stages when they kept getting interrupted.
3…..2…..1
King Kong Bundy hits the ring . He grabs Lawler and powerslams him . Then Bruno and Splashes him in the corner . But as he goes to grab up Bruno , Yokozuna is there and now we have the two big men in a slobberknocker much to the delight of the fans . 3……2……1 !!!!
Samoa Joe enters . He attacks both big men . Double knees to the back of Yokozuna and then an enzuguri to Bundy that knocks him out of the ring .
JR : Are you kidding me ? Joe just eliminated Bundy .
Yokozuna now tosses Joe out .
JR : That’s it for Samoa Joe .
Bruno is back up and he starts mixing it up with Yokozuna.
3….2….1: Eddie Gilbert hits the ring . He brings in a baseball bat and takes a crazy wild swing at Lawler , but King sidesteps and blast him with an uppercut !!!
Now in one corner we have Punk and Moxley who can barely stand . Lawler and Gilbert who are just getting started and Bruno and Yokozuna who are choking each other .
Punk and Mox get a second wind , they are mixing it up . And are leaning against the ropes . DeVannes tries to pull Punk out , but he accidentally pulls both of them out and the two men crash on top of him all 3 lay in a heap on the floor .
JR : After 39 minutes nobody actually in the damn match eliminates Punk and Mox , folks but they are both gone . Nicholas DeVannes is an idiot .
Lawler and Gilbert are now fighting each other over the bat . Gilbert kicks Lawler in the gut and now has the bat in his hands . Only problem is when he gets ready to swing , he hits Yokozuna in the back of the head . Not hard mind you , just enough to get his attention .
Yokozuna turns away from Bruno and Gilbert is trying to apologize . He swings and Yokozuna and Yokozuna grabs the bat and breaks it over his knee . Gilbert is apologizing again . Lawler hits Yokozuna in the back of the head with a chair . Yokozuna spins around and Lawler swings an uppercut with the chair that would make Fernando Tatist Jr . , jealous. Yokozuna stumbles backward into the ropes . From there Bruno finishes the job with a clothesline knocking Yokozuna out of the ring .
Ross : By Gawd Yokozuna has been eliminated by this Italian Superman !!!!
Lawler now turns , and pokes Gilbert in the gut with chair and then dropkicks him over the top rope .
Ross : And there goes Eddie Gilbert . It’s Bruno and Lawler left !!! Who is moving on . Over the top rope is still in play folks , but now so is pinfall or submission .
Lawler and Bruno take massive heavy handed swings at one another doing damage . Lawler grabs Bruno hoping to bodyslam him done to the floor , but nothing doing . Bruno fights his way out of it and then Bearhugs Jerry !!! And then hits a makeshift Belly to Belly still keeping on the Bearhug !!!! Jerry’s shoulders are down . 1……2…….3!!!!
Jim Ross : And that’s it folks . An incredible performance by Bruno Sammartino. He is the first man to go coast to coast to coast in this match . Also the longest running . 54: 21 . Your first four are set .
Cameron Grimes vs Bruno Sammartino
One Man Gang vs Keith Lee .
Folks . who will get the number 5 entry . Well , you’ll have to tune in to Windy City Pro Wrestling next week to find out . Right now it’s time to flip over to Showtime for Windy City Pro Wrestling’s Star Spangled Bash!!! I’m serving up this brisket and then joining my good friend , Gordon Solie. Good night everybody .
End .
